How Kindness Become a Red Flag in Your Relationship

Have you wondered the sudden kindness your partner is showing?

Kindness is a noun which means the act of being kind- the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. This character is the humblest form of act of a human being on this earth. When people understand and share, we always say ” you are so kind”. But wait, there is genuine kindness and kindness with a purpose.

What is Red Flag by the way? it is an idiom which used as a warning of danger.

How to Spot You are Dealing with a Fake Kindness

Let me tell you my story the shortest way. I was once married for 20 years and all those years, I could only count one hand for the number of years we were fine. The rest was full of lying and infidelities which I learned his lies through his behavior. He easily get upset and there is no room for him to understand situations to the point that I cannot ask him because we always ended up in a heavy confrontation. Yes, this is the pattern if he is playing fire with another woman. Perhaps, he learned his lesson of how vigilant I was, he changed his style. He became KIND. He cares for the family more than before, he became generous to his own family, he smiles, jokes with the kids and I can now talk to him, he became a loving and considerate husband.

Why I say His Kindness is a Red Flag


Real Kindness is innate. Big or small, regardless of age and circumstances. a kind person is always there to give love even in the smallest, simplest way.


Even though I ride with his act of kindness, I was still thinking and in doubt and I told myself-this could be a Red Flag.

For two to three years, there was no cheating in our marriage which I only thought (self-denial actually). But my radar was​ so strong. Until one day, his colleague confessed to me secretly. When I learned he had another affair, I was not surprise anymore even if he is now a kind, loving husband. So it took me two-three years to confirm he had another affair. So the confrontation happened and at that​ time until we separated, he wore his real character and no more kindness, he was back.

Why am I talking about my past? Well, this particular blog is my way of sharing to you to be mindful enough if the acts of goodness of your partner or even your friend is genuine or just to deceive you. We do not judge people but we have to protect our selves from being hurt so we need to validate first before we believe, if the act of kindness is from the heart and not a show.

Have you experience being faked through kindness by your partner or friends? Please share by writing in the comment. Would love to hear from you.

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8 thoughts on “How Kindness Become a Red Flag in Your Relationship

  1. Hi Edith, this post is really helpful for women who should look out How Kindness Become a Red Flag in Relationship. I absolutely agree with your points of being mindful if someone is just being good to you or if it’s genuine or just trying to deceive you! I love this post and keep inspiring us with your stories! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes and it is very common amongst people who always have hidden agenda…If you observe really well how people behave in presence of other you can have clues of the person real agenda…if he or she is genuinely kind of just faking it…always observe what people do not what people say

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    1. Hi Manalita. Yes, and so sad to think some people use kindness just to get their own personal interest or they are kind but they back fight you. Nowadays, kindness is a thing to think of if it is real or fake and not to be appreciated right away.

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  3. In my history of friends and relationships. The kindest ones were usually the ones that stabbed me in the back. While the ones that maybe weren’t as kind but are very honest and open are the ones thats still in my life today. Kindness is indeed a red flag.

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  4. I agree with you. Kindness could be a red flag when it comes out of nowhere and isn’t typical behaviour of the other. It’s also a manipulation technique – a very popular one. We must always be aware of a drastic change in our partners.- sometimes “too good to be true” is too good be true.

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    1. Hello Rachel….you are right. Some are good in manipilation by using kindness as their front. Based from my experience, it was a manipulation but I sensed it. So we need to secretly validate if the kindness shown is real. 😘

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